I could go on and on about this subject. Maybe that is because I am the product of an interracial couple. Maybe it is because I was raised in a house that made love and tolerance a priority. Maybe it is because my boyfriend is white and I am not.
I have been mixed my entire life. That posed many challenges in its self especially when it came to self identity, confidence, bullying, family… you know. The works. One of the key struggles was boys. This all became an issue in 4th and 5th grade when we were loosing our cooties and gaining our girlish figure.
See, when you can’t identify what you are, what does that mean as far as how others identify you? Once boys quit having cooties, I was posed with a lot deeper questions than, will he walk me to class? I was thinking along the lines of, well does Joey think of me as white? He is white. If he thinks of me as white, then maybe there’s a better chance of him liking me. Maybe. But what if he thinks of me as black. He doesn’t ever talk to the other black girls
Well, maybe he could still like me. But then what if his friends make fun of him?
What if he does like black girls? But then, if he doesn’t think of me as a black girl.
I’m sure you can imagine how confusing it must be. Hormones, Identity issues, All my friends were dating but I was too afraid to approach any guy because… well, what does he like? This race or that? Then of course, I went through the phase of… This guy seems to like me, but I know he likes the thuggy-acting Black girls. Well maybe if I act thuggy like them…. He will consider me an option!
It was never about if they were racist. I just assumed that when it came to developing crushes, everyone usually started in their own race. That’s where the dating radar begins. Is that wild for an elementary schooler to think? It’s scary enough to put yourself out there, fresh bosoms and cootie free… we had no idea what we were doing. I guess I was just so afraid of rejection because I thought being mixed took me out of everyone’s radar. There is so much fear in new dating already. Why complicate things? It’s safer to stay within you race, right?
Wrong. It took some time, and I’m talking most of grade school, but I finally began to learn my place. My first love was a white guy. I threw caution to the wind and went for it. Fortunately, the whole exotic-tall-bronze-and-sexy thing worked for me. Spending time with someone that accepted me for me – that is when I learned the most about myself.
Plus, I enjoy knowing that we tick off the majority of southern conservative Republicans. Did you know there are still human beings who would make interracial marriage Illegal. Illegal. Punishable by law. But that is a story for another day so stick around.